


Why are there bite-marks on your fucking toothbrush?

by Fredagsmys



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Binging, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Jughead Jones Needs a Hug, M/M, Purging, Set in Season 1, TW alcoholism, mentions of bulimia, mentions of vomit, trigger warning, tw suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 11:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fredagsmys/pseuds/Fredagsmys
Summary: Jughead has some unhealthy ways of copingArchie noticesTRIGGER WARNING
Relationships: Archie Andrews & Fred Andrews, Archie Andrews & Jughead Jones, Archie Andrews/Jughead Jones
Comments: 8
Kudos: 136





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not read if you are triggered by mentions of binging and purging or anything similar. 
> 
> If you or a friend is struggling please visit:
> 
> https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/where-do-i-start-0  
> https://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

It was stupid and dangerous, he was well aware of that. A one time thing had slowly become an addiction, and he had no intention of stopping. Why would he, when it made the pain go away? He'd always been a pretty big eater as a child, but this was different. This was shoving down copious amounts of food in just a few minutes, barely stopping for air. It was the only thing that could numb the anxiety he'd been experiencing since he was as young as 12, but it was short lived. Oh so short lived. Because after just a couple minutes of feeling numb, the anxiety would be back, doubled. He’d feel disgusted with himself, not to mention the nausea that came with being that full. That's when he'd get rid of it, which sent him into an entirely different type of numbness. He’d feel empty, content and calm. It was a break from the constant whirlwind in his head and the turmoil that was his current life. 

So there he sat, in the Andrew’s garage surrounded by empty packages - a few bags of crisps, a whole bunch of candy bars and a couple boxes of cereal. His stomach hurt and he felt dizzy and grossed out. Seeing it all laid out on the floor made him feel even sicker, and he quickly tossed the trash away and made his way back into the house. The silent walk to the bathroom had quickly become an almost daily routine in the past two months he’d been living with the Andrews, and he didn’t even need to turn the light on anymore. Sure it was a little scarier than back when he was living alone at the drive in, where getting caught wasn’t even on the page, but both Archie and Fred were heavy sleepers, so he made it work.

Until today that is. As he was kneeling in front of the toilet, toothbrush in hand, getting ready for a second round of vomiting, he heard the sound of footsteps outside the bathroom, causing him to panic. 

_Fuck fuck fuck_

“Jug? Is that you? Are you sick?”

He relaxed slightly at the sound of Archie’s voice. He would be easier to fool than Fred, hopefully.

“Uh yeah” There was no hiding the obvious post-vomit voice. “Must be some bug going round, hope you don’t catch it”

“Can I come in? Or should I go wake my dad?”

The panic was back.

“NO! I uh… I don’t want to be a bother, just get back to sleep.” At least that was a true statement.

“Oh Jug for god's sake, you’re not a bother, please just unlock the door” 

“Um, ok hang on” Jughead swallowed, the anxiety rising higher. He wouldn’t be able to finish his purge now, meaning those moments of numbness were now out of reach, leaving only the disgust and discomfort.

He flushed the toilet, put his toothbrush back into the cup on the sink and unlocked the door, all while still leaning on the floor. His body already felt weak from vomiting and crying, and now he had to fake an illness on top.

Archie stepped inside the small bathroom and knelt down beside him, frowning. “Jesus Jug you look like hell”

“Thanks mate, way to boost my self-esteem”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that”

Jughead just nodded, his throat was burning and his heartbeat was way to fast, none of which left him in the mood to talk. He just sat still as Archie placed his hand on the others forehead, pushing his hair aside. 

“You don’t have a fever thankfully, do you think you’re finished in here?”

_No, please get the fuck out of here so I can finish_

“I think so.”

“Let’s get you back to bed then, or do you want to sleep on the couch? Think you’ll be running back here soon?”

“Think i’m done for a while” He just mumbled.

Archie helped him up from the floor and then picked him up bridal style, like he always did when he wanted to tease his friend. Now he seemed to do it out of worry though.

They reached their bedroom and Archie put him down on his bed. Jughead wanted to protest, the mattress was just fine. But his anxiety was still standing strong, and the only thing, other than running back to the bathroom to finish his business, was to have Archie close.

“Can we share?”

“Of course Jug”

* * *

Archie woke up early the next morning, feeling kind of tired after waking up in the middle of the night. He looked over at Jughead, who was still sound asleep, looking more peaceful than he had in awhile. He still looked worn out though, with dark circles under his eyes that had been growing deeper lately paired with his already very pale complexion. It worried Archie. Maybe he could convince him to see a doctor.

Not wanting to disturb his friend’s sleep, he silently untangled their arms and slipped out of the bed and down the stairs to the kitchen, greeting his father by the counter.

“Morning dad”

“Morning Arch” Fred smiled. “Is Jug on his way down?”

“Nah he’s sick, found him throwing up around midnight” Archie leaned on the counter, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. “He’s actually seemed off for a while you know.”

Fred’s smile washed of, being replaced by a light frown. He'd also noticed something weird with the boy.“What do you mean?”

“He’s tired all the time, and he looks really worn out” Archie did his best to keep his voice down, not wanting his words to be heard upstairs.

“You know things haven’t been easy for him lately, he needs time”

“I don’t think things have ever been easy for him, you know with his dad and stuff, but this is different.”

“I guess you wanna stay home with him then?”

“I’d really like that yes” 

“I should be telling you to prioritise your studies, but I actually agree with you, he’s not seemed well.”

“Thanks dad!” Archie smiled. “I just wanna keep an eye on him you know”

Fred nodded as he sipped the last of his coffee. “I expect you back in school tomorrow though”

“Of course” Archie said and reached to open the cupboard to get some cereal. 

There was only one box left, and it was almost empty, even though Archie could remember seeing at least three ones in there just a couple of days ago. There had even been a sale at the supermarket.

“Hey dad what happened to all the cereal?”

“I don’t know, you boys sure have an appetite” Fred said with a shrug.

“But we just had a bowl each the other day.”

“Hmm yeah that's strange.” Fred agreed.

Neither of them thought to much about it though as they moved on with their day, Fred heading to work and Archie heading back upstairs.

* * *

The two boys cuddled throughout the day. They chilled on the couch, watching a couple of movies and ending up making fun of all the characters. Jughead almost felt ok, temporarily forgetting about not getting to finish vomiting. 

But then lunch time rolled around, and Archie was dead set on making Jug eat something. 

"Jug c'mon just something small"

_I don't do small, not when feeling like this. I eat everything in my sight or nothing at all._

"I'm still kinda nauseous, and I'd rather not puke again." The lie rolled of his tongue way to easily. 

Archie raised an eyebrow, but thankfully let it go. For the moment. That didn't mean Jughead anxiety wasn't back though.

Archie didn't let it go though. He could sense the shift in mood after mentioning food, which was odd. Come to think of it, it was pretty weird for Jughead to still feel nauseous. He had only thrown up once and he had no fever. This morning he barely seemed sick at all, just tired. 

The thoughts kept lingering in the back of his mind throughout the rest of the day, and it finally started making sense when the evening came and it was time to brush their teeth. Archie eyed Jughead as they stood beside each other by the sink, and he could clearly see marks on the handle of Jugheads toothbrush. It could be from biting down while brushing, but this was a weird place to chew on. Who chews on the handle?

To say that Archie was a clueless guy would be a lie. Gullible, sure, but not clueless. He had heard about bulimia before, hell he even had a cousin who'd gone through it -Maria, she almost died. He didn't know for sure if it was what Jughead was doing, but it all seemed too alike to be a coincidence. The missing food, the marks on the toothbrush and now his mysterious stomach bug. He didn't know how to confront him though, so he ended up just going to bed. This time however, he tried his best to stay awake. 

Sure enough, an hour later, he could hear Jughead get up from his matress and leave the room. He was gone for a while, and Archie just laid there listening to the sound of kitchen drawers opening and closing before it all went silent. 

Eventually he heard his footsteps in the hallway again, and he had a pretty good idea where they were leading. He got up from bed himself and tip-toed out as silent as he could. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of retching. It broke his heart, so much so that he couldn't confront Jughead now. He'd have to talk to him in the morning. So he just turned around and walked back to his room, feeling defeated.

* * *

“Jug...you know you’re beautiful right?”

“I uh, thanks?” Jughead was confused. “Are you...trying to flirt?”

“No, I mean I wanna, you know eh flirt but not right now” Archies cheeks were slowly growing red. “What I mean is just...you know you don’t need to like lose any weight or anything?”

Jughead swallowed. He knew were this was going, he’d screwed up.

_Should’ve been more quiet, dumbass_

“Yeah I know” It wasn’t a lie. It had never been about weight for him.

“Jug” Archie’s tone turned stern. “I know what you’re doing”

“And what is that exactly?” Jughead snapped, getting annoyed.

“You’re- you’re” Archie clenched his fists. “You’re making yourself throw up and stuff”.

“Pfft” Jughead waved him off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I had a stomach bug! I’m not some teenaged girl worrying about the size of my thighs like it’s the end of the world Arch.”

“Then how do you explain the missing food from the kitchen? And what’s up with the bite-marks on your fucking toothbrush?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“I heard you Jug. You were up last night eating, and then you puked your guts out...you can’t keep doing this!”

Jughead had never been good with confrontation. He simply turned on his heel and walked off. Archie wasn’t gonna let him do that though.

“Jug wait!” The distress in his voice was apparent. “Please”

He grabbed on to the others arm and held tight.

“Look, I don’t know how to say this, but please, I really don’t want you to die” his voice almost gave out.

“We’re all dying from the moment we’re born.”

“Jug, for fucks sake”

That was the last straw for Jughead, who could not hold the tears anymore. He sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands. It was over, he'd fucked up.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled. “I’ll pay you back for the food I’ve stolen”

Archie scoffed. “Jug I don’t give a shit about the food... I just want you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with your body and what you’re doing is really dangerous.”

“It’s not about my body, I haven’t lost a pound doing this and I don’t plan to”

“But then why?”

Jughead didn't see the point in lying anymore. He was tired and everything hurt. But the words didn't necessarily come easy.

“Food makes me feel numb," he finally said. "It’s nice. Everything’s been so...much. But I just can’t stop,I keep going and going until I feel nothing anymore.” He swallowed hard again. “But it doesn't last very long...I feel gross.

“And then you...?”

“Well yeah.”

He couldn’t bare to look at Archie, so he let his eyes wander across the floor in silence for a couple of minutes. Neither of them moved.

Archie broke the silence. “How long have you been doing this?” 

“I don’t know, honestly. A year maybe? It’s been a while, I didn’t do it so often before though.”

“Does anyone know?”

“Oh my mom found out about it, she didn’t give a shit about it though.” Jughead snorted. “Other than that no”

“How did i never…” Archie mumbled more so to himself than to Jughead. “I’m so sorry”

“Don’t be..you’re not the one sticking fingers down my throat, that would be me” Jughead tried to joke.

Archie didn’t respond.

“But now you know”

“Now I know”

* * *

  
They ended up not going to school today either, instead falling asleep on the kitchen floor as neither of them had been willing to move. Fred found them when he got home, arms entangled around each other, and he couldn't help but smile. He was worried for the boy he viewed as his second son, but he was happy that they at least had each other, it was painfully obvious how much they both cared for one another. Whether it was platonic or not Fred wasn’t sure, and to be honest nor did he really care. He just wanted them both to be happy. However, he did care about them sleeping on the uncomfortable kitchen floor. 

“Arch, Jug, you gotta wake up” He said softly, shaking Archies shoulder.

“Dad?”

“Yeah it’s me”

“Dad it’s bad...you know like Maria” Archie gazed over Jughead’s still sleeping form.

“Well that...makes sense I guess,” Fred sighed. “ But, let’s discuss that in the morning Arch, right now you both need to sleep in a real bed.”

“Ok dad”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was inspired by some own expiriences, and let me beg you- if you relate, please seek help <3


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a very small mention/hint at suicidal ideation in this chapter, so if that triggers you I'm begging from the bottom of my heart to please not read this. Alcoholism is also talked about.
> 
> Same goes for binging and purging obviously, as stated in part 1.

_ the next morning _

Jughead was mad. Scratch that, he was furious. Not only had his embarrassing secret been revealed to his best friend who may or may not be more than just a friend, apparently Fred was also in the know.

“You told your dad?!” He cried out, panicking.

“Hell yes I did”

“ Why would you do that?!”

“So he can help?”

“I didn’t ask for any help!”

“Jug you need to see a doctor” Archie grabbed Jughead by the shoulder and tried to calm him down.

“I don’t want-”

“How else are you gonna stop?”

Jughead looked away, moving back from his friend.

“You’re not gonna...don’t you want to stop Jug?”

“It’s the only thing that keeps it quiet Arch”

“Jug this is dangerous”

“I know”

“Don’t you care?” Archie raised his voice. “Jug you could die”

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

Archie audibly choked on air and turned to stare at his friend.

Jughead noticed and quickly shook his head. “I didn’t mean-”

“Jughead Jones for fucks sake don’t you dare ever say that again” 

“I swear I was just kidding”

“No you weren’t” 

“I mean I”

“I just- I can’t lose you jug, especially not like this” Archie pleaded, his voice shaking slightly.

“Arch I can’t make any promises” Jughead looked at his feet.

“Please”

“I don’t know...”

“Do you remember my cousin Maria? She and her sister were here a few times when we were younger”

“The one with the really long hair?”

“Yeah, her. A few years ago, we almost lost her” Archie sighed and sat down on his bed.“She was struggling with...the same thing you are. It almost killed her. We aren’t that close, we never were, but it was still scary. She fainted while throwing up and had to be taken to hospital.”

Archie shivered at the memory of that late night call from his aunt, how scared his parents had been, pacing around the living room before telling him what was going on.

“Oh, I didn’t know that” Jughead mumbled, sitting down on the other end of the bed.

“She’s doing better now though, I think. I haven’t seen her since she got out of the hospital. But what I’m trying to say is, this is really dangerous.”

“I know that,” Jughead sighed. He wasn’t a stranger to throwing up blood.

“Then act like it”

Jughead sighed again. “What do you want me to do?”

“Will you see someone? Please?”

“I have roughly 18 dollars to my name”

“The school counselor at least?” He looked at his hands and blushed slightly. “You know...after the whole thing with Grundy, I went to see her a couple times. She’s actually pretty dope”

Jughead cringed at the mention of the music teacher. He hated her, and what she’d done to Archie.

“You know, I think Maria still goes to like some sort of group therapy”Archie said, earning a scuff from Jughead.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but groups aren’t really my scene”

“Jug..”

“I’ll think about it”

* * *

  
  


“Jug, Archie told me about what you’ve been doing.” Fred’s voice was soft, even more so than usual.

Jughead just nodded and sank deeper into his seat. 

“Just so you know, we’ve had some experience with this in the family so we’re not strangers to it.” he continued. “I know it can be very serious, and I really really want you to consider seeing a doctor”

“I can’t affor-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, “ Fred said, shaking his head. “You’re part of this family, and in this family we help each other.”

“Fred I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really really do, but I can’t let you spend that kind of money on me” Jughead didn’t like to be a burden, he already felt bad for stealing food during his binge nights, especially when he knew about the Andrew’s company not doing to well at the moment.

“How about this, we go to the hospital, let them at least look you over and diagnose you, and then you can try with the school counselor.”

“I suppose that could work”

Fred gave him a soft smile. “I’ll make you an appointment then. One last thing though, does FP know about this?”

Jughead shook his head. He doubted his mum had told him about the time she caught him. 

“Maybe you should tell him?” 

“Maybe, I don't know,” He had no idea how his dad would react, but he suspected he would at least care, if he was sober enough that is. 

“I could talk to him if you want?”

“Yeah maybe that’s for the best.”

* * *

“Hey man, how are you holding up?”

“Getting by, you know you know it’s all great over here. You never call Fred, why are you calling...on the phone?” FP’s voice was slurred on the other end.

Fred was nervous, he could tell his old friend was intoxicated, just like he’d expected. 

“Look, I don’t know how to say this, but I know if it was Archie i’d like to know. Jughead’s not been doing too well”

“Did he get arrested or something?”

“No, he’s been unwell” Fred said, his voice growing more stern as tried to convey the message that this was serious.

“Is he ill?”.

“You could say that, are you familiar with eating disorders?"

"What are you, what are you saying?" 

"It has come to my attention that Jughead has symptoms of bulimia"

"Bulimia? Are you sure? Isn't that a teenage girl kind of disease?" FP gave out a nervous, broken laugh.

"It can happen to anyone FP"

“But-”

“He’s been forcing himself to vomit almost every night FP”

There was a single quiet sob on the other end, and then silence.

"My boy...I have to see him. Can I, can I come over?"

"I can't stop you from seeing your son, but you're not getting in this house unless you’re sober."

Another few seconds passed in scilence.

"I will get to that"

* * *

  
  


Jughead felt out of place at the hospital. He didn’t like the white walls and all the bright lights, it made the whole place feel alien. He hadn’t been there since Jellybean had her appendix taken out over five years ago, but it looked just the same. Nothing ever changes at Riverdale General. The nurses still wore vintage looking clothing even. 

Archie held his hand, quietly squeezing it and giving him encouraging smiles whenever he’d shift in his seat. It made it bearable, even though he still felt like an alien.

“The doctor will be here soon, do you want to go in alone?” Fred asked, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know”

“He’s not going in alone”

“That’s not your decision to make Archie”

“I don’t care, he’s not going in alone”

“It’s okay that’s probably for the best”

“Forsythe Jones?”

Jughead cringed at the sound of his full name but got up from the chair. The sudden movement made him dizzy however, but luckily Archie was right behind him. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I just... stood up to fast”

* * *

It took two more appointments and meeting with two different doctors but Jughead’s medical record now included a diagnosis of Bulimia Nervosa along with generalised anxiety disorder. A pretty severe case for a boy, the doctors had said, as if that mattered. On top of it he was deficient in several of the essential vitamins and minerals, but his weight was fine. Archie had been confused, but Jughead wasn’t. It had never been about weight for him. That had actually been a source of comfort, something that he’d used to convince himself that what he was doing wasn’t actually that bad since he didn’t look that sick. He knew deep down that that was just bullshit however, and he did look pretty sick with his sunken eyes, swollen cheeks and pale skin. Turns out throwing up everyday is unhealthy even if you don’t lose a bunch of weight. 

He had declined the option of seeing a therapist every week, but agreed to go to visit a support group and see the school counselor. While it wasn’t something he was very comfortable with the thought of, it felt good to see how happy it made Archie. He was still very nervous however, even if the first meeting wasn’t for a good few days.

"I can come with you if you want you know" Archie said, holding him tight.

"Arch, thank you. But I think this is something I need to do alone" Jughead sighed. "I’d love it if you came along to pick me up though"

"Of course I will Jug"

They stayed close on the couch, with a movie running in the background and Fred humming softly in the kitchen making dinner. It was nice and peaceful, almost making Jughead forget about the way too familiar clawing thoughts in the back of his head. It had gone a couple of days now since his last binge and all he wanted was to just give in. But Archie was watching him like a hawk, even staying awake till he knew jughead was asleep, so all he could do was to try really hard not to think about it. But things felt almost alright for now, just lying there playing with Archie’s hair.

But the peaceful evening was interrupted by the doorbell, confusing both boys. They weren’t expecting anyone, and the only friends who would make surprise visits was Betty and Veronica and they were both out of town. They heard Fred making his way to the door and greeting someone. Jughead recognised the voice immediately and sat up straight, Archies arm still around him. 

Fred and FP both came in to the living room, both of them looking awkward and out of place.

“Um good evening boys” FP’s said, his voice didn’t slur this time. 

Jughead eyed his father. He looked run down, but his eyes weren’t red or glassy. He seemed sober, albeit definitely hungover. It wasn’t great but it was an improvement from their last time meeting.

Fred walked back into to the kitchen to give them a bit of space and motioned for Archie to do the same, but they both stuck around within earshot...just in case.

“Jug...it’s nice to see you again” FP smiled, looking around the room.

“Nice to see you too”

“So you and Red are…?”

“We’re best friends...you know that” Jughead blushed, this was not a conversation he wanted to have right now.

“Well, that's...I heard you were unwell”

Jughead didn’t answer, but he moved to the side of the couch, making room for his father to sit down if he wanted to. He didn’t, but he stepped a little closer.

“I had no idea about...anything” the still standing FP continued awkwardly.

“It’s okay dad, no one knew...except mom I guess but” Jughead trailed off and just stared at the floor.

"Hey Jug. I'm so sorry"

"Me too dad, me too"  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, If you relate to any of this- please please seek help.
> 
> You are worthy of recovery, I promise <3


End file.
